Episode 010 – Why Bad Things Happen To Good People (WISH I KNEW SOONER)

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Why “Bad” Things Happen To Good People

We all experience hardships in our lives.  Job loss, death of a loved one, unfavorable health diagnoses, partner infidelity.  Most would agree that these are “bad” things with unfavorable consequences that make our lives more complicated.  If you’re religious or spiritually-inclined, you might even question why God or the Universe even permits these things to happen at all. Challenging things happen – they happen to us individually, they happen on a global scale, and like it or not, they’re a part of our life experience.

But today I want to unpack WHY these so-called “bad things” happen to otherwise “good” people and hopefully shift your perception of these experiences so that you can live in more joy, calm, purpose, and continue moving forward in creating the life you want – regardless of how heavy and tragic the circumstances and situations in your life may be.

EVERYTHING Is Happening For Our Greatest Growth 

Personally, I believe that we exist in a loving, intelligent universe and that everything is always happening for our greatest growth, prosperity, and evolution.  As Einstein once said: 

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe.”

I choose to believe the Universe is friendly.  And regardless of whether it’s God, Spirit, the Universe, or Intelligence itself pulling the strings, I believe the force that’s dictating the different circumstances, situations, and experiences we have is a loving one.

That said, we’re always going to experience things in our life that we like and enjoy, and others that we’d prefer not happen.  Life is a series of cause and effects and there’s a chain of events that occurs where, more often than not, the so-called bad things actually lead to much better experiences, understandings, and opportunities.

To give this some context, I believe the old Chinese Parable of The Wise Farmer paints a good picture of how we interpret the experiences in our lives:

A wild horse appeared one day and made its home in a farmer’s field. “How lucky you are to have acquired such a fine horse for nothing!” said his neighbors. “Who knows what’s good or bad,” replied the farmer.

The farmer’s son, his only help around the farm, tried to ride the horse. It threw him, breaking his legs. “How unlucky for you,” chorused the neighbors. “Who knows what’s good or bad,” replied the farmer.

His son was left behind when the emperor’s soldiers arrived in the village to conscript all the young, able-bodied men into the army, many of whom would die in the war. Meanwhile, the wild horse ran away. “How unfortunate!” cried the neighbors. “Who knows what’s good or bad,” said the farmer.

The horse returned to the field, bringing his entire herd with him. “What good fortune!” exclaimed the neighbors. “Who knows what’s good or bad,” reflected the wise farmer.

What we can infer from this is that most of the things we cherish in life – as well as those we take for granted – are often an effect of the “bad” things, or the problems, challenges, and hardships, we endure.  So, are there really any “bad” things if they’re ultimately leading to better things?  Are they just coincidences?  Is it the meaning we give these experiences that make them seem bad?  These are questions we’ll answer as we dig a little deeper.

The Day-To-Day “Bad” Things That Contribute To Our Evolution

Back in my early thirties, I was dating a woman who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with (spoiler alert: I didn’t).  She ended up cheating on me after about a year and a half of dating and I was devastated – I’d never experienced infidelity in a relationship prior to that.  Due to my naivety and insecurities at the time, I ended up getting back together with her – and she cheated on me yet again.  Bad things, right?

Well, let me introduce you to a new character in this story – Dexter.  Dexter was my chihuahua of 14 years. He was one of the best friends I ever had and was by my side through thick and thin for some of the most formidable years of my life.  He was with me through my recovery from drugs and alcohol, he was with me when I decided to pursue a career teaching personal development and helping people transform their lives, he was with me when I attracted my true soulmate and love of my life, Carol.

I would not have met Dexter if it hadn’t been for that girlfriend back in my thirties who cheated on me.  She happened to know someone with Chihuahua puppies, and one day we decided on a whim to go check them out.  Dexter changed my life forever in the best possible ways.  And if I had to pick just one good thing that came out of that tumultuous relationship, even though there were many, it was Dexter.

So are there really “bad” things?  Or are there just a series of events that lead us to the best things in our lives?

That so-called bad experience helped me get clearer on the type of woman I did want to be with.  And if I hadn’t gone through it and learned what I want and what I don’t want, one could argue that I’d never have met Carol.

I’d encourage you to think about this in your own life.  Reflect on your past and find something that was not a “good” experience, but was part of God, Life, or the Universe’s way of guiding you toward something that you truly cherish today. 

Maybe it’s a person.  Maybe it’s a job opportunity.  Maybe it’s a certain amount of money that you’ve earned.  Regardless, what you’ll see is that there’s an intelligent design to our life where we experience things that we don’t prefer because they redirect us or support us in creating, being, doing, and having the things that we value most in our life.

And by going through those “bad” experiences, we get even clearer on what it is that we do want. And that’s a very important part of achieving any type of goal or materializing or manifesting any type of vision.  These “bad” things are essentially the seeds for everything good that we experience in our life.

They help shape us.  They help prepare you for being the person, developing the skills, and acquiring the traits and values that define who you are today.  Were these experiences uncomfortable or challenging at the moment?  Sure.  But it was temporary, right?  And if you really think about it, if you were to experience something similar today, it probably wouldn’t be as big of a deal – because you’ve evolved, expanded, and grown as a result of going through it in the first place.

What We Can Learn From The Chaos In The World

Pharmaceutical companies exploiting the masses.  Banking systems collapsing, screwing over the middle class, then getting bailed out.  The war in Ukraine (and wars elsewhere).  The destruction of the Amazon.  These are all “bad” things, right?  Again, I’d pose the question:

Is it possible that we could live our lives trusting that there is an omniscient, omnipotent, loving intelligence that is always working for our greatest growth, our greatest prosperity, and our greatest evolution?

Because if we can truly have faith that every experience that we experience personally or that we experience collectively is actually a part of a loving universe, it would allow us to relax a little bit more.  It would allow us to be calm through the storm knowing that whatever we’re experiencing in the moment is just part of a series of cause and effects that is ultimately playing out for our greatest joy, our greatest expansion, our greatest abundance and our greatest prosperity.

It might not feel that way when you look out into the world today. But what you’ll notice if you look a little closer is that there is an organization right now of what I would call “the offended”. No, not the overly sensitive people who want everyone around them to operate in a particular way so that they don’t get their feelings hurt. I mean the people who have been touched in one way or another by a bad medical system, a bad financial system, a bad governance system, an environmental issue…

They’re all waking and wising up to the notion that we need better, more harmonious, more aligned systems.  A “great unification” is occurring of people who simply aren’t okay with the status quo and are calling for change across the board.  All of the existing systems were put in place with an older, more narcissistic consciousness, survival-based, less loving consciousness. As we each evolve individually, we are becoming more aware that new systems evolving from our new consciousness is necessary. This is a ‘good’ thing that is ultimately an effect of today’s ‘bad’ systems.

Individually we must do our own personal work. We must heal the traumas, the limiting beliefs and the misunderstandings that have been passed down through our own individual lineages. Collectively, we’re speaking out, calling for change, and taking that change into our own hands as a collective, awakened society. We’ve become abundantly clear of the things we no longer tolerate which has helped us to get clear on the fact that we now want something different. This is how progress functions..

Personally, I have a vision for the world that’s much like Wakanda from the Black Panther movies.   People integrated with nature, living with technology that benefits all, living in harmony, living intelligently, and living spiritually.  That vision comes out of experiencing “bad” things we don’t want – it’s part of the chain of cause and effect.  

We’re becoming more civilized by acknowledging where we aren’t being civilized.

Collectively, we’re bringing our attention to where there’s opportunity for change.  Individually, we must focus our vision, our emotions, and the actions we take in the direction of Intelligent (and collaborative) creation. In my opinion, that’s how we handle what we observe externally right now in the world. We develop ourselves to such a level that we can lovingly, patiently and acceptingly be aware of the problems in the world and, rather than become entangled with them, focus our creative attention and power towards creating something new. 

The Difference Between “Bad” Experiences & The Meanings We Give Them

You may still be experiencing the effects of a recession, pandemic, or something traumatic happening in your life. But that’s different than getting entangled with it and being unable to direct your focus and attention in positive ways.  The way we separate the two is realizing that “bad” things aren’t necessarily happening to us – we just give them a meaning of being bad.  Ultimately, everything we experience is just that – an experience.

And each of those experiences are going to lead to something even better through this chain of cause and effects that goes on and on and on and on.  As we go through these experiences collectively, there will be ups, there will be downs, but the direction is upward – the direction is toward positive change and goodness in the future – so long as we allow ourselves to see it that way.

That’s why you see some people, regardless of what’s going on in their personal life or regardless of what’s going on in the world, who are able to thrive. They’re able to be happy. They’re able to be healthy. They’re able to be prosperous. They’re able to be abundant because they understand that there are no bad things that ever happen.

You might give many of the experiences in your life or in the world a negative connotation.  That’s not to say that they aren’t difficult in the moment, or traumatic, or dire.  But to be clear, I’m not just saying that you should paint some lipstick on a pig.  What I’m saying is that we can benefit when we take a deep and fundamental look at our lives, what we’re creating collectively, and how life is co-creating with us. And we can realize that every experience that we’ve had, that we deemed “bad” led to something great.  In other words:

Bad things lead to better things.

When we can realize that, bad things stop seeming so bad.  And if we’re willing to be uncomfortable in the short term, we will always be rewarded in the long term.

The Worst Of The Worst – How Is It Possibly Good?

Terminal illness in children.  Child trafficking.  Sexual abuse.  How are any of these things possibly good?  First, I want to connect back to this idea that the things we experience that seem the most tragic in our life, shape who we are.  If I look back at the emotional abuse that I experienced as a child, I can confidently say that it shaped who I am today. It was the seed for my greatest qualities and my greatest personal traits. 

Growing up in a family where I was made to feel like I wasn’t good enough brought me into my drug, alcohol and pornography addiction, which brought me into personal growth, which brought me into spiritual connection, which brought me into discovering my purpose.  And each of those experiences combined brought me into being able to impact and help hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people – including this conversation we’re having right now.  Remember, cause and effect.

I believe that we establish spiritual agreements with those who cause us trauma before we come into this world.  Which makes sense if you think about it, because Earth right now is a trauma based learning environment. We learn, we grow, we become capable of creating and receiving so many things that we cherish as a result of overcoming our wounds. I believe that my parents decided that they would come into the world to experience their own traumas and to pass those traumas onto me, knowing that I would transform them in my lifetime, which  would benefit millions of other people. You might say that sounds far fetched, but it’s what I believe – so for me, it’s true.

I also am wise enough not to question how Intelligence operates in our lives, and I trust that it’s always for our greatest growth, our greatest prosperity and our greatest evolution. And I can see in my own life in the lives of so many other people that the traumas we experienced became unpacked over time and became the greatest frequency of our personal power.

Now, when it comes to childhood terminal illness and the like, I can’t begin to explain what purpose that serves.  But what I know is that we’re very attached to this third dimensional experience, even though we are at our essence spirit that comes into the body.  

We know that reality is an illusion. It’s a bunch of vibration. It’s a bunch of energy. It’s a bunch of moving particles and atoms and molecules that are mostly nothing.  But because of our five senses, our experience of reality feels very real. We get attached, we have heart, we have emotions.  So again, I believe that we come into this experience and we go, and we come again to learn, and we go, and we come again to learn, and we go.  Yes, I believe in reincarnation and that we have many lives, and that we spend many lives with the people who we’re spending our life with right now.  I believe that when we lose someone close to us, we will be with them again. What’s more, for eternity.

Does that make it easy to experience sudden loss, whether it’s losing a child at a young age or the sudden death of a spouse?  Of course not!  And I’m not trying to convince you that it’s a “good” thing that it happens.  The answer is beyond our comprehension.

Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?

At the end of the day, who knows what’s good or bad?  We’ll only know when we get to the other side of it.  The best I can encourage us to do in the meantime is to transform the experiences we perceive to be “bad” into a new understanding. Because 99% of them aren’t dramatic or traumatic, yet our inability to see that they are part of the process of creating everything we desire bogs us down. In believing, in the moment, that this crap pile of an experience in front of me is just a creative way of ushering me towards what I really want, and become a more expansive version of myself, we can become more tolerant, more compassionate, more loving, more faithful, more reconnected with Spirit – more connected with ourselves.

And if we can continue to reorient ourselves to the fact that we live in a loving, creative, intelligent universe and the moment by moment life is working for us, that’s going to help us.  It’s going to help us to relax, to calm down, to show up more in our personal power and achieve our full potential.

Remember, when we stop to really observe it, the “bad” things have always led to better things. And if you can remember that when the bad things are happening, the bad things stop being so bad.