Episode 086 – 40 Minutes of Mind Blowing Personal Growth For Young Adults!

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

If you’re in your late teens or twenties and feel lost, stuck, or overwhelmed, let me start by saying: you’re not alone. I know it can feel like everyone around you has it all figured out—that your peers are making moves, reaching milestones, and living their best lives while you’re still trying to get your footing.

But let me tell you something important: those feelings are normal. In fact, I’d be more surprised if you didn’t feel this way. The pressure to figure out your career, your life, and your place in the world is crushing at times. And when you add in social media, family expectations, and the constant comparisons to others, it’s no wonder so many people feel stuck.

I’ve been there. And over the years, I’ve learned some critical lessons about life, pressure, and the stories we tell ourselves. Today, I’m sharing 11 distinctions that I wish someone had taught me back then. These insights can help you make sense of the chaos, find clarity, and step confidently into the life you’re meant to live.

Everyone Else Is Just as Scared as You

Let’s get something straight right away: you’re not the only one who feels lost, anxious, or overwhelmed. Everyone around you is dealing with their own fears and insecurities. Even the people who seem confident, composed, and on top of the world—they’re scared too.

When I was in college, I felt completely out of place. I’d grown up in Orange County, California, and then moved to New York City to attend Columbia University. It was a huge leap, and I was terrified. I vividly remember my parents dropping me off at my dorm room. As soon as they left, I sat on my bed, put my head in my hands, and cried. I felt completely alone.

On top of that, my roommate revealed he was bisexual in the first week—something people rarely discussed openly in 1993. Neither of us knew how to process it. And then there was basketball. I was playing college ball with guys who had no training in emotional intelligence. The teasing was brutal, and I was sensitive. I wasn’t the stereotypical beer-drinking jock, and I felt like I didn’t fit in.

Looking back, I realize now that everyone else felt just as scared and out of place as I did. They just expressed it differently. Some people act arrogant or overconfident to mask their fears. Others act out or rebel. But the truth is, everyone is terrified of not being good enough.

So if you’re feeling scared, know this: you’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you.

You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out

Here’s a big one: you don’t need to have your whole life figured out right now.

Society tells us we need to know our career paths, life goals, and purpose by the time we’re in our twenties. But that’s not how life works. Your twenties are a time for exploration, experimentation, and figuring out what fits you.

Think of it like shopping. You wouldn’t walk into a store and expect to find the perfect outfit on the first try. You’d try things on, see what works, and make adjustments. That’s exactly what your twenties are about—trying things on.

I wish I’d understood this back then. In my twenties, I built up so much pressure thinking I needed to be a millionaire or a success story to feel good about myself. That pressure drove me into misery. Looking back, I realize how much more I could have enjoyed my twenties if I had just relaxed and allowed myself to explore.

I didn’t figure out what I truly wanted to do until my late thirties. And guess what? That’s normal. Life is about the journey, not just the destination. So if you’re feeling lost right now, that’s exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Your Mind Creates the Pressure

Here’s the truth about pressure: it doesn’t come from your circumstances—it comes from your mind.

Every feeling of stress, anxiety, or overwhelm you experience starts with a thought. You might think, “I’m not doing enough,” or “I’m falling behind,” or “What if I make the wrong choice?” Those thoughts create emotions like fear or insecurity, and those emotions drive your actions.

Behavioral psychology teaches us that this is how the human operating system works:

• A thought triggers an emotion.
• That emotion determines your action.
• Your action creates your results.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s not because of what’s happening around you. It’s because of the story you’re telling yourself about it. And here’s the kicker: most of those stories aren’t even true.

The next time you catch yourself feeling stressed, ask yourself: “What’s the thought behind this feeling? And is it really true?” More often than not, you’ll realize it’s just a story you’ve made up.

Let Go of Resistance

Here’s a counterintuitive truth: you don’t have to solve every problem.

When something stressful happens, our instinct is to attack it head-on. We analyze it, obsess over it, and try to force a solution. But have you ever noticed that the harder you push, the more stuck you feel?

That’s because resistance creates friction. The more energy you give a problem, the bigger it seems.

The alternative is what I call non-resistance. Non-resistance doesn’t mean ignoring your problems. It means stepping back and trusting that the solution will come when the time is right.

For example, let’s say you’re feeling lost about your career. Instead of obsessing over it, try stepping away. Go for a hike. Spend time with friends. Do something that brings you joy. When you give your mind space, the answers have room to surface.

Think of it like quicksand. The more you struggle, the deeper you sink. But when you relax and stop resisting, you find your footing again.

Focus on What You Want

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned is this: what you focus on expands.

If you spend all your time thinking about your problems, those problems will grow. But if you focus on what you want—on your dreams, your goals, and the life you want to create—you’ll move toward those things instead.

One of my mentors once told me, “What you make matter becomes matter.” In other words, what you focus on materializes into your reality.

Start by asking yourself: What do I really want? Write it down. Be specific. The more clarity you have, the more you’ll start to notice opportunities and ideas that align with your desires.

You Are Already Enough

Let’s talk about one of the biggest lies we’ve been told: the idea of being “good enough.”

We grow up believing we have to earn our worth through achievements—grades, promotions, accolades. But here’s the truth: you are already enough.

Think about it. When you look at a tree, do you ever wonder if it’s “good enough”? Of course not. Its value is inherent. The same is true for you.

There’s nothing you need to achieve, prove, or become to be worthy. You’re enough just as you are.

Surround Yourself with the Right People

No one succeeds alone. If you want to thrive, surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you.

Back in 2016, I felt isolated. I didn’t have a strong network or close friendships. But I made a decision: I wrote in my journal, “I’m going to build extraordinary relationships with amazing people.”

A few weeks later, I got invited to speak at an event, where I met someone who became one of my closest friends. That one decision changed everything.

Your relationships shape your life. Choose wisely.

There Are No Mistakes

Here’s a freeing truth: you can’t get life wrong.

Life is like a choose-your-own-adventure book. Every decision you make leads to growth, even if it doesn’t go as planned. One of my mentors told me, “There’s no such thing as a wrong decision.”

When I stopped agonizing over every choice and started trusting that life would work itself out, everything became easier. You’re not going to ruin your life with one wrong move. Trust the process.

You’re Exactly Where You’re Meant to Be

If you’re feeling lost, stuck, or overwhelmed, know this: you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Your twenties aren’t about having all the answers. They’re about learning, growing, and discovering who you are. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, try new things, and take the pressure off. Because in the end, everything will fall into place. You’ve got this.