Episode 076 – The Personal Growth Trifecta – THIS is The Holy Grail of Self Help

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Today, I want to break down self-help and personal transformation in a way that may feel fresh, even if you’ve tried it all—watched all the videos, gone to the seminars, read the books. But if you’re like most people, you’re still stuck somewhere in your journey. You might feel like there’s so much information out there on how to improve yourself that you don’t know if you should focus on limiting beliefs, childhood trauma, meditation, or even red rocks and pineal glands! If that’s where you’re at, let’s take a deep breath together because I’m going to lay out a simpler way.

I’m about to share an approach that combines the perspectives of three powerful teachers in the personal growth space—Tony Robbins, Michael Singer, and Neville Goddard. Think of it as “self-help” or “transformation” taken to another level—like combining the intensity of Tony Robbins, the surrender of Michael Singer, and the fourth-dimensional creation that Neville Goddard talks about. These three perspectives can work together to help you not only change your thoughts but create a reality aligned with your highest potential. I’m excited to break this down with you because this approach has the power to transform every area of your life.

Starting with State: Tony Robbins and the Power of Mindset

Let’s start with Tony Robbins. If you’ve ever heard Tony talk, you know he’s big on what he calls the “triad”: state, story, and strategy. Tony says if you get yourself into the right state, tell yourself the right story, and have the right strategy, you can create any result you want. Simple, right? But here’s the thing—it all starts with state. Managing your state is crucial because it affects everything else. If you’ve ever been to one of Tony’s events, you know what I mean. I remember my first experience at a Tony Robbins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar. My wife and I went all in. We were in Texas, and we even enrolled in a program with another coach, Rob Horton. We traveled the world and found ourselves in the front row, shouting, “I’m a gladiator!” It was intense.

But then, like most people after a big seminar, I came home, and it was like hitting a brick wall. I felt this “personal development hangover.” I’d been jumping up and down, feeling like I could conquer the world, but where did that state go? Here’s the answer: it went back to the environment I was in. Unless you bring a thousand people into your kitchen, constantly jumping up and down isn’t sustainable. You need a better, more lasting way to manage your state.

In a nutshell, Tony’s approach is about staying in a powerful state of mind. There are only two states of being: powerful states and primal states. Powerful states are the ones that feel good—joy, curiosity, peace, passion. When you’re in a powerful state, your parasympathetic nervous system is active, which is that rest-and-relaxation part of your nervous system. This is when you’re inspired, when ideas flow, and your body is even in a natural healing mode. Contrast that with primal states—boredom, jealousy, anger, anxiety, stress, frustration. These are the states that put your body in fight-or-flight mode, which is useful in emergencies but terrible for day-to-day living.

What’s also fascinating is that your state is constantly flipping between these two. Take a simple example: I’d be at dinner with my wife, and if I saw something on the menu I couldn’t afford, I’d flip into a primal state of worry. We all do this throughout the day—checking social media, comparing ourselves to others, worrying about things we can’t control. But the secret isn’t in controlling every single experience; it’s in understanding the meaning you’re giving to that experience.

The Meaning You Give Determines Your State

Here’s where it gets really interesting: it’s not the experience itself that determines if you’re in a powerful or primal state; it’s the meaning you’re assigning to that experience. Let’s say you’re an entrepreneur, and you launch a marketing campaign that flops. It’s not the campaign itself that’s making you feel anxious; it’s the meaning you give to it, like, “I’m not cut out for this,” or, “Maybe I’ll never succeed.” It’s these internal dialogues that pull us into a primal state.

Behavioral psychology backs this up. The beliefs we form early in life determine our thoughts, which then impact our emotions and actions. If you believe that money is hard to make, you’ll likely have scarcity-driven thoughts, leading to anxiety, and from there, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. These habitual thoughts wire our nervous system to respond in specific ways, and before we know it, we’re back in that primal state, feeling limited and unable to break free.

So, if you want to change your results, start with the meaning you’re assigning to things. It’s about becoming aware of those automatic beliefs that pull you into a primal state and learning how to shift them.

Surrender as a Skill: Michael Singer’s Approach to Letting Go

This is where Michael Singer’s perspective on surrender comes in. Now, Michael is all about the idea of “letting go.” He talks about surrendering your attachments, whether that’s to outcomes, people’s opinions, or even the idea that you’re supposed to control everything. I know surrender can sound like giving up, but it’s not—it’s a choice to release the grip you have on everything in your life. Michael’s approach has helped countless people find peace in situations that used to stress them out.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I didn’t grow up with any particular religious or spiritual practice. My dad was Jewish; my mom was Lutheran. We celebrated Passover and Christmas—it was a mix. But later in life, I came to understand surrender through recovery. I used to drink and turn to substances whenever I felt like life was getting out of control. I needed an escape from feeling like I wasn’t good enough or that I’d fail. It wasn’t about the substances themselves; it was the emotional discomfort of being “not good enough” that drove me to them.

In recovery, I learned about the 12-step program, and the first three steps teach you about surrender. Step one is admitting powerlessness. Step two is believing in a higher power. Step three is turning your will over to that power. I realized I needed a plan for when I felt the urge to drink or escape. I started replacing my automatic response to drink with a spiritual response, trusting that if I stopped trying to control everything, things would still work out. I surrendered my need to control every detail, and this allowed me to stop fighting life.

Surrender is something we all need to learn at some point, especially when life keeps throwing us challenges. It’s the point at which you stop trying to solve every problem on your own and start trusting that there’s something greater working in your favor.

Creating from the Fourth Dimension: Neville Goddard’s Vision of Reality

Now, let’s talk about Neville Goddard, who brings us into the fourth dimension. This may sound out there, but it’s all about understanding that there’s more to reality than what you can see and touch. According to Neville, everything you want to create exists in a fourth-dimensional space—a space of potential, where every idea and possibility already exists. When you imagine something, you’re actually tuning into this fourth dimension and pulling it into reality.

So, every time you think about a goal or dream, you’re connecting with that fourth dimension. You might be imagining a successful business, a happy relationship, or a healthy body. What you’re doing is tapping into that energy, which then starts to manifest in your life as thoughts, ideas, and even synchronicities that lead you toward your goal. Neville says this is where the real creation happens—not by obsessing over current circumstances, but by connecting with the potential that already exists beyond the physical world.

It’s like trying to change a scene in a movie. If you’re watching a film and want a different ending, you wouldn’t try to change the screen; you’d go back to the film’s source. In life, this means shifting your focus from what you don’t want and directing your attention to what you do want. When you imagine, you’re giving power to the possibility of that future reality. And the more you give it attention, the more it begins to show up in your three-dimensional world.

Bringing It All Together: A Blueprint for Lasting Change

So, how do we bring these three principles together? First, learn to manage your state. Notice when you’re shifting into that primal state and use whatever tools you have to bring yourself back into a powerful state. This might mean changing the meaning you’re giving to something or simply recognizing the shift and deciding to move into a better state.

Second, practice surrender. Trust that there’s a higher intelligence at work in your life. When things aren’t going as planned, remember that you don’t have to control every detail. Sometimes, surrendering your need to control everything can open doors you never knew existed.

Finally, create from the fourth dimension. Let yourself dream, visualize, and imagine the life you want as if it already exists. This isn’t just wishful thinking; it’s about tuning into the energy of what you want and allowing life to help bring it into being.

In my experience, these three principles together form a powerful blueprint for transformation. It’s not about having all the answers or controlling every outcome. It’s about aligning yourself with the energy of what you want, letting go of what you can’t control, and trusting in a process that’s bigger than you. Life is always working for your growth and success, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

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