Episode 069 – How To Eradicate Problems From Your Life

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Today, I want to talk to you about something incredibly powerful that can shift the way you deal with life’s challenges: letting go of your problems. It’s not about dismissing them or pretending they don’t exist; it’s about choosing not to carry them into every single moment. This approach is both counterintuitive and, as you’ll see, profoundly liberating.

Let’s dive into why holding onto problems can create suffering and how releasing them—if only for a moment—can actually transform them.

A Vision Board, a Dream Home, and a Lesson in Letting Go

Let me start with a story. Right now, I’m sitting in my studio in Puerto Rico—a home that I once dreamed of. I had this home on my vision board for years, and then one day, my friend walked into my office, pointed to that picture, and said, “Hey, you’ve got a picture of your home on your vision board!” It was a surreal moment because, by then, that vision had become real. But it didn’t come without its challenges.

Getting into this dream home was anything but a dream. We went through an 18-month remodel and construction project, right in the middle of the pandemic, on an island where “island time” isn’t just a saying—it’s a reality. Every week, the timeline would shift. Every week, there was something new and costly. With a three-month-old baby in our arms, we were living in a construction zone, surrounded by scaffolding, noise, and constant disruption.

And you know, I get it. To some, these might seem like “good problems” to have. But they were my problems. One of the things my mentor taught me early on was to honor my challenges. “Don’t talk down to your problems,” he’d say, “because they’re real for you.” And let me tell you—they were real.

Realizing the Root of Suffering

One night at dinner, my wife and I were venting about the construction workers, rehashing every misstep and delay. We were frustrated, angry, and just exhausted. But then it hit me—an insight that changed everything: the suffering we were feeling wasn’t about the construction. The suffering was because we were bringing our problems into an environment where they didn’t actually exist.

Think about it. Here we were, having dinner with our newborn son, with no construction workers around. There was no hammering, no concrete being poured, yet we were still talking about it as if it were happening right there in the kitchen. In that moment, I realized that we were disrupting the peace and joy of a precious moment—one that could have been filled with laughter and connection—by dragging in our problem when it didn’t need to be there.

This revelation was life-changing. It made me see that, more often than not, the suffering we experience around a problem is self-induced. It’s the obsessive thinking, the replaying, the “what-ifs” and “if-onlys” that make the problem seem like it’s omnipresent. But the truth is, most of the time, it’s not here. It’s just a thought in our mind.

Carrying Problems Into Every Moment

Now, I want you to think about something that’s weighing on you right now. Maybe it’s financial stress, a chronic health issue, or a relationship struggle. Let’s be honest—these challenges are real. But are they actually happening in this exact moment?

I bet as you read this, there isn’t a bank statement in front of you, flashing a number to remind you of financial insecurity. You’re not currently in a doctor’s office hearing bad news. And if your relationship is strained, it’s likely not actively unraveling in front of you. Yet, we carry these issues into each moment. It’s like we’re bringing the fear of what could happen or the pain of what did happen into a present moment where it doesn’t need to exist.

This habit of mentally lugging our problems into every corner of our lives has a cost. It drains us. It prolongs the problem. It prevents us from enjoying the present and from actually being present.

The Problem Isn’t the Problem—Carrying It Is

The only problem with a problem is the way we carry it with us. When we repeatedly bring a problem into the present moment, it’s like we’re extending its life cycle. Why? Because we’re filling moments of potential peace and creativity with recycled stress and anxiety.

I often say, “All that exists is the present moment.” And if I’m spending each present moment worrying about money, health, or relationship issues—problems that aren’t physically in the room—I’m filling this space of infinite possibility with unnecessary fear. I’m simulating financial insecurity, chronic pain, or relational discord, right here and now, when I could be thinking about anything else.

Think about it: If I go to bed ruminating about the construction workers, do you think I’m going to wake up the next morning resourceful, solution-oriented, and ready to lead my team? No. I’m going to show up irritated, and that irritation influences everyone around me. My mood, my tone, my energy—it all affects how people respond to me, and in turn, it affects their performance.

The Mind Is a Goal-Achieving Machine

Your mind is like a goal-achieving machine. Whatever you focus on becomes your reality. So if I’m thinking, “These workers will never finish this project,” then my emotions, actions, and results will follow suit. If I show up frustrated, the crew feels that energy and responds in kind. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, one that perpetuates the very problem I’m hoping to solve.

If I could let go of that mental weight, though, and just be present, I’m more likely to walk into a situation with openness, calm, and a willingness to find solutions. And that energy shifts everything.

Are You in a Powerful State or a Primal State?

Here’s another way to think about it: There are only two states of being. You’re either in a powerful state, where you feel joyful, calm, or curious, or you’re in a primal state, filled with stress, fear, or anger. When we carry our problems around, we put ourselves into that primal, fight-or-flight mode.

Being in a powerful state doesn’t mean ignoring the problem; it means choosing not to relive it in moments where it’s not actually occurring. This state allows us to access clarity, creativity, and intuition—the very qualities that can lead to real solutions.

The Story of the Two Monks

There’s a story about two monks that perfectly illustrates this point. They were traveling across the countryside when they came upon a stream. A woman needed help crossing, and one of the monks picked her up and carried her across. Now, their monastic order prohibited touching women, and for the next two days, the other monk was silently fuming. Finally, he confronted his friend: “How could you break our vows by carrying that woman?”

The first monk just laughed and said, “I set her down at the river’s edge. You’ve been carrying her for the past two days.”

That story captures what so many of us do with our problems. We carry them long after they’re needed. When we hold on to things that aren’t actively happening, we weigh ourselves down unnecessarily.

Practice Letting Go

This isn’t about pretending you don’t have responsibilities or ignoring real challenges. It’s about noticing when you’re carrying them into moments where they don’t need to be. The practice here is simple: Recognize when you’re mentally picking up a problem that isn’t actually happening in the present, and just let it go.

You might try a mantra like, “It’s not real right now,” or “Right here, right now, I’m safe.” Remind yourself that in this exact moment, you’re okay.

Once I started practicing this myself, I noticed remarkable changes. My stress levels went down, I became more resilient, and the problems that had seemed insurmountable started to shift. When I wasn’t dragging the weight of the problem into every minute of my life, I could see solutions more clearly.

Creating Space for Solutions

When we let go, we create a space for something new to enter. When I stopped bringing the construction problems into every meal, every conversation, and every quiet moment, I found that the project actually began to move forward more smoothly. The crew became more cooperative, the quality of the work improved, and we started hitting milestones that had seemed impossible before.

That’s the power of letting go. It doesn’t mean the problem disappears. But by not carrying it into every moment, you make room for solutions and a better experience of life, even as the problem is there.

The Peace of the Present Moment

The gift of letting go is that it reconnects us to the present, where true peace and potential live. When you’re fully present, you’re not plagued by what might happen or haunted by what did happen. You’re here, in a moment that’s untouched by the past or the future. In that space, you’re free.

So, I encourage you to try this. Notice when you’re dragging your problem into a moment where it doesn’t belong. Let it go, and choose to be fully present, just for a little while. Over time, you’ll notice a difference. You’ll be less weighed down, more open to solutions, and more alive to the potential that each moment holds.

Embrace the Power of Letting Go

Letting go doesn’t mean your problem vanishes, but it transforms your relationship with it. The next time you find yourself ruminating, pause. Remind yourself: “Right here, right now, I’m safe.” The more you practice this, the more resilient, centered, and open to solutions you’ll become.

This approach has profoundly changed my life, and I hope it can do the same for you. We all carry problems that aren’t truly present, and by learning to release them, even briefly, we open ourselves to peace, creativity, and solutions that can transform our experience. Try it today. You might just find that the peace you’ve been seeking was within reach all along.