Episode 053 – How To Fix Your Broken Love Relationship (3 Steps)

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Today, I’m diving into a topic many of us can relate to: fixing a broken relationship. If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship—whether it’s a lack of passion, constant arguing, or just a general sense of disconnection—this guide is for you. It doesn’t matter how long your relationship has been in turmoil or what your partner is doing (or not doing). By the end of this article, you’ll see exactly how to fix a broken relationship.

Understanding the Root of Relationship Problems

I want to start by sharing a bit of my own journey. For years, I found myself in one bad relationship after another. It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that I realized these relationships were reflections of my unprocessed trauma and misplaced priorities. One particularly devastating relationship, where I was cheated on twice, helped me get very clear on the type of person I wanted to be with. I wanted honesty, commitment, passion, and a shared desire to make a difference in the world.

After a period of being single and working on my personal growth, I made a decision: I would meet a beautiful, intelligent Colombian woman and make her my wife. Miraculously, two weeks later, I met Carol, who is now my wife. Initially, I thought that because I had done significant personal growth work, we wouldn’t have any friction. But I soon realized that the issues in our relationship were reflections of unresolved aspects within me.

The Vision for Your Relationship

So, what do you want in your relationship? It’s crucial to have a clear vision. Often, we become so accustomed to patterns of misbehavior and unmet expectations that we lose sight of what we truly desire. Start by identifying what you don’t like in your relationship and then envision the opposite. For instance, if you don’t want arguments, envision peace and harmony. If you don’t want sexual abstinence, envision passion and intimacy.

This vision is the first step in creating change. Knowing what you want sets the stage for transformation. As you hold this vision, you’re creating a container of potential around your relationship. This vision can influence your partner and initiate change without any direct involvement from you.

The Power of Non-Resistance

Change begins without your active involvement. Once you’ve set your vision, let go and trust the process. Your partner will start to perceive and respond differently, influenced by your vision. This is where patience comes into play. Don’t get involved in trying to force the change; let it unfold naturally.

It’s essential to understand that the things that make you angry, sad, or frustrated in your relationship are reflections of unresolved issues within you. These emotions are vibrations held inside you, and your partner’s actions trigger these vibrations. By changing your internal state, you create the possibility for your partner to change as well.

Becoming the Loving Presence

The key to facilitating change in your relationship is to become the loving presence. This means holding a non-judgmental, compassionate space for your partner, even when they exhibit old, frustrating behaviors. Understand that these behaviors are their unprocessed traumas and limiting beliefs working themselves out.

For example, if your partner is controlling, recognize that this stems from their pain and childhood experiences. Hold a loving presence for them without judgment. This doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries or remove yourself from harmful situations, but it does mean approaching these moments with compassion and understanding.

The Influence of Radical Forgiveness

A powerful tool in this process is radical forgiveness. Understand that your partner is reflecting back to you everything inside you that needs healing. This perspective allows you to approach your relationship with empathy and patience. By doing your own internal work and healing your traumas, you create a space for your partner to heal as well.

Practical Steps to Transform Your Relationship

1. Have a Clear Vision: Identify what you want in your relationship and hold that vision.
2. Let Go and Let Change Happen: Trust the process and allow your partner to change without your direct involvement.
3. Don’t Entangle with Old Patterns: Avoid reacting to old behaviors. Focus on your vision and the positive changes you want to see.
4. Be the Loving Presence: Approach your partner with compassion and understanding, recognizing that their behaviors are reflections of their pain.
5. Practice Radical Forgiveness: Understand that your partner is a mirror, reflecting what needs healing within you.

Embrace the Power of Transformation

You have incredible power to influence and transform your relationship. By mastering your mindset and approaching your partner with compassion and understanding, you can create the loving, passionate relationship you desire. Remember, the journey requires patience, commitment, and a willingness to do your own internal work. But the rewards—a deeper connection, mutual respect, and lasting love—are well worth the effort.

I hope this guide has served you well. If you feel inspired, share these insights with others who might benefit. Together, we can create a world where love and understanding prevail. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I look forward to seeing you in the next chapter of our shared adventure.