Episode 150 – Give Me 31 Minutes To Get Your Life Unstuck

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

The biggest block that prevents most people from living the life they desire is the belief, “I have no idea what I want.” I hear it all the time. Someone comes to me for coaching, and when I ask them what they truly want, they respond with that phrase. On the surface it sounds honest, but beneath it, it’s a form of self-hypnosis. The truth is, you always have some idea of what you want—you’ve just stopped trusting yourself to name it. You’ve convinced yourself that clarity has to arrive all at once, in full detail, or else it doesn’t exist at all. But clarity is not something you stumble upon—it’s something you cultivate.

One of my earliest coaching clients was a professional major league baseball player. He had enjoyed an extraordinary career, built a huge nest egg, lived in his dream home, and had a beautiful family. And yet, when it came time to consider what life would look like after baseball, he broke down in tears. He told me, “I feel so broken that I don’t know what I want.” That’s how powerful this belief can be. It convinces you that because you don’t see the whole picture, you must not see anything at all. But clarity doesn’t arrive as a finished map—it shows up one step at a time.

Clarity as the Core of Creation

Clarity is the foundation of creation. Without clarity, we feel stuck, confused, even paralyzed. Think of clarity like driving in fog: you can only see ten feet ahead, but as you move forward, another ten feet reveals itself. The same applies to your life. Establish clarity on what you can see now, and the next level of clarity will unfold naturally.

I’ve had plenty of chapters in my own life where I felt stuck. And if I look back honestly, the reason was always the same: I lacked clarity. Without clarity on what I wanted or how to move forward, I plateaued. Clarity is fuel for the creative engine. It gives you vision, which activates imagination. And imagination begins rewiring your brain, building a memory of a future that hasn’t happened yet. This is how you pull a possibility out of the field of consciousness and make it real—by first getting clear enough to imagine it.

The Two Types of Clarity

There are really two types of clarity we need:

1. Clarity about what we want. 
2. Clarity about how to create it. 

When we lack the first, we drift. When we lack the second, we stall. Either way, without clarity we remain stuck in dissatisfaction, circling the same experiences over and over again.

Most people know what they don’t want: they’re tired of financial insecurity, unhappy in their job, longing for a relationship, overwhelmed by anxiety, or dissatisfied with their health. But they stop there. They don’t push forward into defining what they do want. If you only ever name the problem, you’ll keep living it. To move forward, you must articulate the desire on the other side of the problem. And the moment you articulate even a small piece of it, the fog begins to lift.

The Limiting Belief of “I Have No Idea”

The belief that “I have no idea” is one of the most powerful blocks to clarity. It convinces you that unless you can see every detail in full color, you must not know anything at all. But that’s not true. You always have some idea. If you desire change in your life, you already know something about what that change looks like. The desire itself is proof that you have clarity—you just haven’t named it yet.

When you say, “I have no idea,” your brain shuts down. Even the ideas you do have get locked away. But when you shift the belief to “I have some idea,” the door opens. You can start articulating what you do know, and that articulation creates space for the next level of clarity to arrive. The more you honor the small pieces of clarity that already exist, the more access you gain to the bigger picture.

Training the Muscle of Desire

If you feel like you don’t know what you want, it’s likely because you haven’t flexed the muscle of desire in a long time. Many of us grew up without sovereignty over our choices. We were told what to do, what to pursue, what to want. That childlike curiosity and openness to desire was stifled. Over time, the muscle of wanting atrophied. And by the time we’re adults, we confuse numbness with not knowing.

I remember early in my recovery from addiction, I had a whole Sunday free for the first time in years. I asked myself, “What do I want to do today?” And I froze. I could list options—go to the park, walk the dog, go to the beach—but I couldn’t decide. It felt overwhelming. I realized how long it had been since I allowed myself to truly want something just for me. That moment felt almost unbearable because it exposed how out of touch I had become with my own desire.

If you’re in that place, start simple. Use your current life as a training ground. Take an honest inventory of what you don’t like, and flip it into clarity about what you do want. If you’re exhausted by constant conflict in your relationship, then what you want is peace, intimacy, and shared values. If you’re tired of financial insecurity, then what you want is abundance and new opportunities. If you’re burnt out and unhealthy, then what you want is vitality and balance. The contrast between what you don’t want and what you do want is a powerful tool for rebuilding the muscle of desire. Over time, it becomes second nature to name what you want instead of what you fear.

Asking Powerful Questions

Once you establish clarity on what you want, the next step is clarity on how. This is where patience and powerful questions matter. Your brain is like a search engine—it gives answers based on the quality of the questions you ask. If you ask, “Why does this never work for me?” you’ll get a disempowering answer. If you ask, “What’s one step I can take today to move closer to what I want?” you’ll get clarity.

When I decided I wanted to attract a partner, I asked myself, “Who do I need to be to attract the woman I desire?” That question brought clarity. It showed me I needed to be more giving, more presentable, more centered. Within days, I met the woman who would become my wife. Clarity isn’t about controlling the outcome—it’s about asking the right questions and trusting the answers. The right question can unlock a future you never thought possible.

The Patience of Clarity

Clarity is like a neighborhood cat. If you pressure it, it runs away. If you sit patiently, it comes closer. When you push too hard for clarity, you contract, and contraction shuts down the space where clarity can arrive. Patience, openness, and trust are the environment in which clarity flourishes. The more you try to strangle clarity into existence, the further it slips from reach.

Think of clarity like fog. You don’t clear fog by wishing it away; you move forward ten feet at a time. The next part of the path reveals itself as you go. That’s how clarity unfolds. It doesn’t come all at once. It comes step by step, as you trust yourself to move forward with what you already know. That trust builds momentum, and momentum brings more vision.

Clarity Is Your Birthright

Clarity is not something you need to seek outside of yourself. It already exists within you. Your job is to remove the resistance—the belief that you don’t know, the pressure to have it all figured out, the fear of making the wrong choice. When you let go of those blocks, clarity emerges naturally.

When you reframe your beliefs, ask better questions, and practice patience, you begin to rewire your brain for clarity. Vision opens. Imagination awakens. And the future you desire starts to take shape. Whether it’s clarity about your health, your relationships, your finances, your business, or your purpose—the clarity is already available. All you need to do is make space for it.

Clarity is the beginning of creation. When you know what you want and trust the process of how it will unfold, you step into alignment with your destiny. The fog clears. The path appears. And you realize you were never truly lost—you just hadn’t trusted yourself to see. And once you allow yourself to see—even if it’s only ten feet at a time—you’ll discover that clarity was waiting for you all along.