Episode 139 – This One Shift Freed Me From 20 Years Of Anxiety

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Ten years ago, I was living in a whirlwind of anxiety, addiction, and despair. Panic attacks would come without warning, leaving me gasping for air, convinced that something terrible was about to happen. My nervous system was overwhelmed, my thoughts were chaotic, and I felt like my very life was being stolen from me. Anxiety dominated my story for nearly two decades, and I want to share what I discovered—not just about coping with it, but about ending its grip once and for all.

The First Panic Attack

I was seventeen years old, driving home from basketball training in Orange County, when it struck. I was stuck in traffic on the El Toro Y, that massive 22-lane freeway interchange, when suddenly my body betrayed me. My heart raced, my fingers tingled, and a wave of dread crashed over me. I was certain I was dying. That was my first full-blown panic attack. From that day on, anxiety became a constant shadow.

I didn’t tell anyone at first. How do you explain something so invisible yet so terrifying? I thought maybe I was weak. Maybe I was different. I remember pulling into my driveway, heart still pounding, and feeling the strange new fear that my own body had turned against me. That fear stayed with me, shaping my choices and haunting my days.

Therapists told me I needed medication, and soon I was cycling through Prozac, Paxil, Effexor—pills that numbed me for nearly twenty years. They dulled the intensity, but they never healed the root. On the outside, I looked functional. I could go to school, I could work, I could show up to life. But inside, I was always waiting for the next panic to strike. I lived in dread of dread itself.

Anxiety Is Not the Enemy

Here’s what I came to understand: anxiety is not a curse or a flaw. Anxiety is the body’s healing mechanism. Just like a fever signals that your immune system is burning out infection, anxiety is your nervous system releasing the build-up of unprocessed stress, trauma, and dissonance. It’s not proof that you’re broken—it’s evidence that your body is working to restore balance.

We live in a culture that pathologizes every uncomfortable feeling. But discomfort isn’t always a problem; it’s often the doorway to transformation. Anxiety is your nervous system saying: let me release what you’ve been holding too tightly for too long.

The years I spent believing anxiety was my enemy only deepened its grip. I fought it. I feared it. I tried to medicate it away. But fighting only fed it. It wasn’t until I began to see anxiety as an ally, as a signal that healing was underway, that everything started to change.

The Cycle of Resistance

The problem is not anxiety itself, but the meaning we give to it. The moment a wave of panic arises, the mind screams: Something is wrong! I’m unsafe! I have to make this stop! That resistance creates even more tension, trapping you in a feedback loop where fear of anxiety produces more anxiety.

It’s like the Chinese finger trap I used to play with as a child at my grandfather’s house—the harder you pull, the tighter it grips. Anxiety works the same way. The more we resist, the more it constricts. But the moment we soften, allow, and understand what’s really happening, the trap loosens.

For years, I didn’t know this. I would get a rush of panic in the middle of class or while driving on the freeway, and I would brace against it, terrified that I was about to lose control. My whole life became an attempt to prevent panic. I avoided situations. I limited opportunities. My world grew smaller and smaller. And yet the more I avoided, the stronger anxiety became.

What’s Coming Is Going

This truth was confirmed for me in Costa Rica, during a medicine ceremony with my friend and teacher, Mitra. As the medicine brought old pain and fear to the surface, Mitra said something that changed my life: What’s coming is going. Those words reframed everything. Anxiety is not something foreign invading you—it’s what’s already inside of you, finally rising to the surface to be released.

Think about it this way: every stressful thought, every limiting belief, every time you’ve believed you’re not enough, those experiences create an energetic weight in your body. Over time, the pressure builds until it must be released. That release is what we call anxiety. It feels intense, but it’s not destruction—it’s detoxification.

I remember lying there, waves of panic rolling through my body, and repeating to myself: What’s coming is going. What’s coming is going. Suddenly the fear began to shift. The sensations didn’t disappear, but I no longer believed they were evidence of doom. They were evidence of release. That shift was everything.

Reframing the Experience

When you recognize anxiety as healing, you stop feeding it with fear. Instead of “I’m broken,” the new narrative becomes: “My body is working for me.” Instead of “this will never end,” you realize: “What’s coming is going.” The shift is subtle but revolutionary. The sensations don’t magically disappear, but your relationship to them transforms. What once felt like an enemy becomes an ally.

This shift is the beginning of freedom. Because anxiety thrives in misunderstanding, but it dissolves in truth.

I had to remind myself of this again and again. I remember being on a flight, turbulence shaking the cabin, my heart racing as the familiar panic rose. My old pattern would have been to grip the armrest, pray it would stop, and spiral into catastrophic thoughts. Instead, I whispered to myself: This is leaving me. This is healing. What’s coming is going. And I felt my body soften. The wave passed. And with each wave that passed, I grew stronger.

Allowing the Process

I won’t pretend that allowing anxiety feels easy. It can feel unbearable. But resisting it only prolongs the suffering. Allowing it shortens the cycle. Like a fever breaking, the wave eventually passes, leaving you lighter, freer, and more open.

I had to practice this again and again. In the early days of recovery, waves of anxiety would hit me in meetings, on airplanes, in quiet moments at home. Every time, my instinct was to run, fight, or numb. But slowly, with prayer, meditation, and guidance, I learned to breathe and remind myself: This is healing. This is leaving me.

Over time, something miraculous happened. The waves came less often. They lasted for shorter durations. And eventually, they lost their power over me.

One night, sitting alone in my apartment, I realized I hadn’t had a panic attack in months. For nearly two decades, anxiety had been my constant companion. And suddenly, it was gone. Not because I fought it into submission, but because I allowed it to complete its work.

Anxiety as a Gateway to Power

Anxiety didn’t just fade from my life—it transformed into fuel. The same energy that once overwhelmed me became power. By metabolizing the dissonance in my nervous system, I built capacity. I became able to sit with more complexity, to hold more responsibility, to experience more love, and to carry more peace. Anxiety was never meant to break me—it was meant to remake me.

Looking back, I see how every challenge in my life has been this way. Addiction, financial crisis, business contractions, relationship struggles—they all felt unbearable at the time. But each one, when faced and allowed, became a gift. Anxiety was the same. The very thing I once feared most became the catalyst for the life I now live.

When I stand on stage today, speaking to thousands, there is no trace of the seventeen-year-old boy who thought he was dying in traffic. Instead, there is gratitude. Gratitude that my body knew how to release. Gratitude that anxiety taught me how to trust. Gratitude that what once felt like the end of me became the beginning of my true life.

The Gift of a Changed Mind

Today, I live without the constant fear of panic attacks. I live with peace. That doesn’t mean life is free from challenge. Stress still arises, problems still come. But my nervous system no longer interprets them as threats. Instead, I see them as opportunities for expansion. I welcome them. I let them shape me.

This is the essence of a changed mind: not a life without struggle, but a life where struggle becomes the seed of transformation. Anxiety is not your enemy—it is your teacher. And when you stop resisting it, when you embrace the process, you discover a strength and freedom that no pill or quick fix could ever provide.

I sometimes think back on the years I lost to fear. All the opportunities I said no to because I was afraid panic would strike. All the nights I lay awake, heart pounding, convinced something terrible was coming. And I feel a strange gratitude even for those years. Because without them, I wouldn’t know the freedom I know now. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to sit with someone else in their suffering and say with confidence: This will pass. What’s coming is going.

So if you’re in the grip of anxiety today, know this: you are not broken. You are healing. You are expanding. You are being prepared for a life of greater power, purpose, and peace. Allow the process. Trust what’s coming is going. And let the gift of your anxiety become the gateway to your freedom.