Episode 089 – How Reality Works…and How To Control It

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Note: This blog post serves as an accompaniment to the corresponding podcast episode of A Changed Mind, where we’ll distill down the core ideas of this week’s theme, along with additional distinctions and insights. If you haven’t listened to the episode yet, you can go here to do so.  Enjoy.

Let’s start with a question: Why do we work so hard to achieve our goals, yet often find ourselves stuck, frustrated, or spinning our wheels?

If you’ve ever felt like no matter how much effort you put in, the results just don’t come, you’re not alone. Many of us believe the answer lies in working harder, learning more strategies, or waiting for the “right” circumstances. But here’s the truth: The problem isn’t outside of us—it’s within.

What’s holding you back is resistance. Resistance is the invisible force that blocks your progress, undermines your confidence, and keeps you from living the life you truly want.

Today, I’m going to take you on a journey to understand what resistance is, how it shows up, and—most importantly—how to remove it so you can create the results you’ve been longing for.

The Simple Equation That Changes Everything

Let’s start with a foundational truth: Desire + Non-Resistance = Desired Results.

This equation has the power to change how you approach everything in your life. It’s deceptively simple but profoundly impactful.

As humans, we are natural creators. Just as birds are born to fly and fish are born to swim, we are born to take ideas and materialize them into reality. Whether it’s building a business, finding love, or healing your body, our ability to create is unparalleled.

But here’s the catch: Desire alone isn’t enough. For your desires to become reality, you need non-resistance.

The Faulty Equation Most People Follow

Most of us have been taught a different equation:

• Desire + Hustle = Results.
• Desire + Enough Time = Results.
• Desire + Enough Money = Results.

We’re led to believe that if we just work harder, hustle longer, or find the right resources, we’ll succeed. But that’s not true.

The real block isn’t time, money, or effort—it’s resistance. Resistance is what gets in the way of the natural flow of creation. When you remove resistance, the results follow naturally.

What Resistance Really Looks Like

So, what exactly is resistance? It’s not something you can see or touch, but you can feel it. Resistance is the mental, emotional, and energetic blockages that prevent you from achieving your goals.

Let’s put it in perspective. Have you ever thought:

• “I want to grow my business, but money is hard to make.”
• “I want to scale, but no one cares about my message.”
• “I want to succeed, but I’ll never figure out the tech side of things.”

These thoughts are examples of resistance in action. They create friction in your journey toward your desired results.

Resistance and Emotional States

Resistance doesn’t just live in your thoughts—it affects your emotions and your state of being. I like to describe this in terms of primal states and powerful states:

• Primal States: These are negative emotions like fear, doubt, frustration, and anxiety. They feel heavy, constricting, and draining.
• Powerful States: These are positive emotions like clarity, confidence, joy, and inspiration. They feel expansive, energizing, and empowering.

The state you’re in is determined by your thinking. If you’re stuck in a primal state, it’s not because of your circumstances—it’s because of the way you’re thinking about those circumstances.

The Truth About Beliefs: They’re Just Decisions

One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had is this: Beliefs are just decisions.

Think about that for a moment. Most of us treat our beliefs as if they’re hardwired, as if they’re absolute truths. But they’re not. Beliefs are choices—decisions we’ve made, often unconsciously, based on our experiences or conditioning.

For example:

• Belief: “I’m not good enough to achieve my goals.”
• Truth: That’s not a fact—it’s a decision you’ve made based on past experiences.

The beauty of this realization is that if beliefs are just decisions, you can make new ones.

How New Beliefs Transform Your Reality

When you decide to believe something new, several things happen:

1. Your thoughts change. Instead of focusing on limitations, you start seeing possibilities.
2. Your actions change. You naturally take steps that align with your new belief.
3. Your results change. The outcomes you experience begin to reflect your new mindset.

This isn’t just motivational talk—it’s rooted in neuroscience. When you shift your beliefs, you literally rewire your brain to support those beliefs.

The Four Layers of Resistance

Resistance runs deeper than most people realize. Over the years, I’ve identified four core layers of resistance that keep people stuck:

1. Limiting Beliefs

These are the stories you tell yourself that block your progress:

• “I’m not smart enough to succeed.”
• “This will never work for me.”
• “Other people are already doing it better.”

Limiting beliefs act like walls, confining you to a version of yourself that feels safe but keeps you small.

2. Resentment

Here’s a big one: You cannot fully release a limiting belief if you’re still holding onto resentment.

Resentment can be directed at others, at circumstances, or even at yourself. It creates emotional chains that tether you to the past, preventing you from moving forward.

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about freeing yourself from the grip of the past. When you let go of resentment, you create space for growth and possibility.

3. Core Programs

Your core program is the original wound you carry. It’s often shaped by your upbringing, particularly by your parents or caregivers.

For example:

• A parent who was overly critical might leave you with a core program of “I’m not good enough.”
• A parent who worried constantly might pass on a program of chronic fear or anxiety.

These programs run deep, influencing your thoughts, actions, and even your personality. And because they’re so ingrained, they often feel like “just the way I am.”

4. Outsourced Self-Worth

This layer is about where you place your value.

When you tie your self-worth to external validation—like approval from others, financial success, or societal status—you give away your power. True transformation happens when you reclaim your worth and build an authentic relationship with yourself.

A Practical Tool for Releasing Resistance

If you’re ready to start removing resistance, here’s a tool you can use right now:

The Three-Column Exercise

1. Write down the limiting belief.
   Example: “I’m not capable of achieving this goal.”
2. Write down the opposite belief.
   Example: “I have everything I need to succeed.”
3. Find evidence for the opposite belief.
   Look for examples from your own life that prove the new belief is true.

This exercise is incredibly effective because it uses your own experiences to challenge and replace limiting beliefs. Over time, this process becomes second nature, helping you catch and shift resistance as it arises.

The Power of Surrender

At some point, you have to stop trying to control everything.

Surrender isn’t about giving up—it’s about trusting in something greater than yourself. Whether you call it God, the universe, or your higher self, surrender is about letting go of the need to micromanage every detail and trusting that things will unfold as they should.

For me, surrender looks like journaling. Every morning, I write a letter to God. It’s not just a list of gratitudes—it’s a conversation. I write about what I’m struggling with, what I need guidance on, and what I’m grateful for.

This practice has been transformative. It’s helped me move from a place of constant striving to a place of trust and flow.

Moving Beyond Personal Development 1.0

Personal growth often feels like a never-ending cycle of fixing yourself. You’re constantly pulling weeds—removing limiting beliefs, healing old wounds, forgiving others. And while that’s important work, it’s not the end goal.

At some point, your head pops above the weeds, and you see a bigger picture. You realize it’s not about being “better” or “more successful.” It’s about alignment—with your purpose, your higher self, and what truly matters.

Think of your life as a block of clay. Your job isn’t to add more—it’s to remove everything that doesn’t belong.

When you let go of resistance, what remains is your authentic self—your natural brilliance. And that’s where true success comes from.

Final Thoughts: Step Into Your Power

If you’ve made it this far, know this: You are not broken. You are not behind. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.

Resistance isn’t a sign that you’re failing—it’s an invitation to grow. It’s your mind’s way of showing you where transformation is waiting to happen.

So start small. Identify one limiting belief. Challenge it. Practice surrender. Trust the process. And most importantly, remember this: You are a creator. The life you want is waiting for you—it’s time to step into it.