Charting Your Course One Day At a Time
SUMMARY
“People with goals succeed, simply because they know where they are going” – Earl Nightingale
Key #1: One Day at a Time
Today I want to talk about something that confused the hell out of me in recovery until I made an important distinction. I think it may be one of the biggest misunderstandings of one of the most important tenets of our 12-Step Program. How do I set long-term goals for my life and still live one day at a time? What’s the balance between planning for my future, and living in the moment? I struggled with this for years, and as a result of not setting goals, I wasn’t moving towards a life that I knew was possible for me. I felt stuck.
One day at a time is not exclusive to 12-step, in fact Dale Carnegie as far back as 1948 in his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” talks about living in what he calls day-tight compartments. What I learned in studying Carnegie and other teachers was that striving for long-term goals while living day-to-day is a lot like sailing a ship. When a captain and his crew set sail from port, they’ve charted a course that gets them from where they are, to where they want to go. Each day the captain and his crew respond to whatever the day brings. They work hard as the ship doesn’t sail itself but requires effort and action. Inclement weather, mechanical failure, crew illnesses, and shortage of supplies – all of these often unpredictable occurrences are resolved in their due time as they arise. Often times during the course of a single day the ship is steered away from its intended course. However, every morning the captain and his crew make readjustments to their course based on their new starting point. Each day is lived for the events of that day, and each morning the captain and crew readjust to stay on track with their ultimate destination. Here’s the distinction – the captain and his crew have charted a course. They’ve set a long term goal and they work towards it one day at a time.
Many of us, unfortunately, think one day at a time means that we don’t need to have a long term plan. That’s the equivalent of getting on a boat and shoving off from port with no idea where you’re going and hoping that you get there. Or worse yet, sitting on a boat having never left port. Many of us, have been sitting at port for far too long.
Frequently I ask members of my various 12-step programs what their plan is only to hear what feels like a canned response ‘I’m just taking it one day at a time.” In many cases what they really mean is, “I don’t know where I’m going and just thinking about it freaks me out.” Why do so many of us fail to set medium or long term goals to move us towards our dreams?
One reason is fear of commitment.
A second is fear of failure.
A third is a fear of being overwhelmed.
A fourth is an unfounded fear that our sobriety would be at risk.
A fifth is a fear of uncertainty.
There are many others.
It can feel frightening to set sail to a far-off, unknown destination. But fear is what keeps us stuck at port, and stuck in our lives. Is being sober but never charting a course or setting sail towards our dreams better than living in our addiction? Perhaps. But in my opinion, not by much.
What dream of yours have you been putting off because you’ve been telling yourself the destination is too far off? Where have you been using one day at a time as an excuse for not setting goals, stretching, and growing into what your creator intended for you? What can you do today to begin charting a course for your dream life, and to set sail towards that destination one day at a time?
I’d love to hear your answers to these questions. Identifying your unconscious fears is the first step in getting back on the boat. Remember you’re not setting sail alone – you’ve got a community to support you when things get bumpy, and to help you adjust your course when you need it, one day at a time.
The quote at the beginning of this post is from Earl Nightingale. If you have never listened to his broadcast of ‘The Strangest Secret’ it is in my top 5 favorites – a must and great compliment to this email. Seriously – listen to it (while you’re getting ready in the morning).
Today’s Distinction
My program gives me all the tools I need to achieve any goal or vision I have for my life. I can think about the future, and visualize what I need to do to get there. The way I get there is taking the next best action I can, each day, one day at a time. No one decision can ever take me off course, because each day I can re-evaluate and adjust my plan accordingly. I will focus on where I want to go, not what is temporarily preventing me from getting there. I don’t have to do it alone, because I have my support and my Higher Power. I am never alone.
